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Surviving Christmas as an Estranged Adult Kid: Coping Strategies and Resilience

Christmas, a time traditionally associated with family gatherings, joy, and warmth, can be a challenging season for estranged adult kids (EAKs). While many are surrounded by loved ones during this festive time, EAKs may find themselves grappling with feelings of isolation, grief, and conflicting emotions. Navigating the holiday season without family contact requires resilience and coping strategies to maintain emotional well-being. In this guide, we will explore the unique challenges EAKs face during Christmas and offer empowering ways to thrive amidst the complexities.

Embrace Self-Compassion

During the holiday season, it’s essential to practice self-compassion as an EAK. It’s natural to experience a range of emotions, including sadness, anger, or longing for family connections. Acknowledge and validate these feelings without judgment. Remember, it’s okay to feel whatever emotions arise and give yourself permission to prioritise your well-being.


Cultivate New Traditions

As an EAK, breaking away from family traditions can be both liberating and challenging. Embrace the opportunity to create new traditions that resonate with your values and interests. Consider engaging in activities that bring you joy, such as volunteering, exploring nature, or pursuing creative hobbies. Building new traditions can help shift the focus away from estrangement and create positive associations with the holiday season.

Set Boundaries

Establishing clear boundaries is crucial during the holiday season, especially if family members attempt to reach out or pressure you to reconnect. Be firm in your decision to maintain no contact if it aligns with your well-being. Communicate your boundaries assertively and respectfully, without feeling obligated to explain or justify your choices.

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Connect with Supportive Friends

Surround yourself with friends who offer understanding, empathy, and support during the holidays. Spending time with chosen family can provide a sense of belonging and alleviate feelings of loneliness. Engage in activities together, share meals, and celebrate the season with people who value and appreciate you.

Practice Mindfulness

Mindfulness can be a powerful tool for managing stress and anxiety during Christmas. Engage in mindful practices such as meditation, deep breathing, or yoga to ground yourself in the present moment. Mindfulness helps to reduce rumination about the past or worries about the future, allowing you to embrace the beauty of the holiday season without dwelling on estrangement.

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Focus on Gratitude

Amidst the challenges of estrangement, finding gratitude can foster a positive mindset. Take time each day to reflect on the aspects of your life that you are grateful for, whether it’s personal growth, supportive relationships, or newfound independence. Cultivating gratitude can shift your perspective and bring moments of joy during the holiday season.

Seek Professional Support

If the holiday season triggers overwhelming emotions or feelings of despair, consider seeking professional support. Speaking with a therapist or counselor who specialises in family dynamics and estrangement can provide valuable insights and coping strategies to navigate Christmas and its associated challenges.

Volunteer and Give Back

Participating in acts of kindness can uplift your spirits and bring a sense of purpose during the holidays. Engage in volunteer work or charitable initiatives that resonate with your values. Contributing to the well-being of others can be deeply rewarding and help create a meaningful connection with the season.

Create a Self-Care Routine

Prioritise self-care during Christmas to nurture your emotional, mental, and physical well-being. Establish a self-care routine that includes activities you enjoy, such as reading, journaling, spending time in nature, or engaging in creative pursuits. Caring for yourself ensures you have the energy and resilience to face the challenges that may arise.

Express Yourself Creatively

Channeling emotions through creative expression can be therapeutic for EAKs. Consider writing in a journal, painting, or engaging in other artistic endeavors to express your feelings and experiences. Creativity provides an outlet for processing emotions and gaining clarity during the holiday season.


Focus on Personal Growth

Use the holiday season as an opportunity for personal growth and reflection. Set intentions for the new year, establish goals that align with your values, and take steps towards self-improvement. Embracing personal growth can empower you to create a fulfilling and purposeful life beyond estrangement.

Participate in Virtual Gatherings

In an era of digital connectivity, virtual gatherings can be a means of celebrating the holiday season with supportive friends or online communities. Engage in virtual events, celebrations, or discussion groups that foster a sense of connection and belonging.

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Practice Emotional Release

Estrangement can evoke intense emotions that may require release. Allow yourself to cry, express anger, or vent to a trusted confidant when needed. Emotional release can be cathartic and relieve the burden of unprocessed feelings during Christmas.

Prioritise Rest and Relaxation

Christmas can be overwhelming for many, and as an EAK, the emotional toll can be particularly draining. Prioritise rest and relaxation, ensuring you have ample time to recharge and rejuvenate. Consider scheduling moments of calm amidst the festivities to nurture your emotional well-being.

Focus on Kids (KIDS, not children)

If you have children, prioritise creating a meaningful holiday experience for them. Focusing on their joy and well-being can bring a sense of purpose and joy during Christmas. Engage in holiday traditions and activities that create happy memories for your kids.


Set Realistic Expectations

Avoid comparing your holiday experience with idealised notions of the season. Set realistic expectations that align with your circumstances and emotional capacity. Embrace the imperfections and challenges that may arise, knowing that it’s okay to take the holidays at your own pace.

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Plan Solo Celebrations

If you prefer a quieter Christmas, plan solo celebrations that bring you joy. Indulge in your favorite meals, watch holiday movies, or engage in activities that make you feel content and at peace.

Practice Boundary-Setting with Strangers

During the holiday season, well-meaning strangers may inquire about your family or holiday plans. Practice setting boundaries with strangers and determine how much or little you want to share about your personal life.

Unplug from Triggers

Limit exposure to triggers related to estrangement during Christmas. This may involve limiting social media use or avoiding certain environments that could stir up negative emotions.

Reflect on Your Journey

Take time to reflect on your journey and the progress you’ve made in healing and growth. Celebrate your resilience and the strength it takes to navigate Christmas as an EAK.


Surviving Christmas as an estranged adult kid is a journey of self-discovery, resilience, and self-compassion. Embrace the season with authenticity, prioritise your well-being, and lean into the support of chosen family and friends. By practicing coping strategies and nurturing your emotional well-being, you can find empowerment and strength amidst the challenges of estrangement during the holiday season. Remember that you have the power to create a meaningful and joyful Christmas that aligns with your values and aspirations.